It’s been the highest grift in football web content history; yer male Honest Ilett has obtained a tiny fortune from not lugging out a thing. In this capsule, not stopping his hair for as long as Manchester Joined do not win five consecutive arcades.
We have received a magnificent unshortened quantity of four e-mails this early morning decreeing that ‘after a 493-day wait, viral football disciple Honest Ilett (@TheUnitedStrand) has signed Argos as his “Official Delivery Affiliate” to Rapid Track with one voice the equipments vital for what is kit to be the footballing capsule of the year’.
F*** the Planet Mug, this in fact is the footballing capsule of the year.
‘Any type of concerns, totally permit me realize,’ is the indicator-off to with one voice those four tantamount e-mails. We have innumerable concerns yet we’re obscure we should e-mail 3 different PR virtuosos through ‘what the real f***?’
We then spotted out that Ilett was obtainable for interview for a five-number quantity and also wondered who would noticeably possibly compensation that kind of silver for an interview through a male whose schtick is totally that he has not incision his hair in a genuinely long time.
Then we opened The Sunshine football page to an EXCLUSIVE:
Hirsute Individual Utd disciple Honest Ilett addresses claims he’s banked MILLIONS from viral task as he’s one win away from curtail
So someone in posting still has that kind of silver. And so it takeoffs…
HE has 25cm of hair, yet not six figures in the bank.
It’s difficult to matter to 7, applicable?
Arithmetic pedantry withdrawn, we do not blame Ilett for gaining silver in these straitened times, yet we do awe why the mainstream media is dropping over itself to confer the male both credit rating and also silver.
‘Joined genuinely disciple Honest Ilett is currently totally ONE win away from lastly being able to incision his hair for the initially time in 16 months,’ write The Sunshine, wilfully forgeting the fact that totally the impeccable thing that can take place for this hairy male’s brand is that Manchester Joined fail to win five arcades in a row.
In spite of his Firmament Sports vouch to go for a “buzz incision and also overture once again” if Joined do win, surely he can’t yank off this grift for a second time? Can he? Tell us he can’t. The real juice is surely in Joined over and also over again extravagant four arcades in a row and also then dropping short. This hairy turkey will noticeably surely not referenda for Xmases.
Holistic bird-based headline: ‘Joined superfan will noticeably be desperate to kill his goose that sh*ts out 15k gold caviar.’
We revert to The Sunshine…
Though he’s worked through brand names pick Paddy Power, county an ecommerce companies and also rubbed virtual shoulders through celebs pick Aitch, the real money of his journey has been long lives.
No, the real money of his ‘journey’ (petite tad information petite tad information of nauseous in the mouth) has been added pounds sterling.
The Sunshine even have a Honest Ilett explainer: ‘That is Individual Utd disciple The Joined Hair, Honest Ilett, and also once can he receive his hair incision?’
Any type of time he wishes, fellas.
Going by the deal with @theunitedstrand, he’s amassed more than a whopping 1.2million Instagram patriots as of February 9, 2026.
Honest has come to be more of a viral sensation the a number longer its gone on – and also his hair has expanded…
You are so genuinely chummy to receiving this.
And yet we have to pretend that Ilett has been relishing Manchester Joined through ‘prospering hair and also sorrow’. Yes, I picture he has been totally gutted to be wrapping up vast tackles Argos, Paddy Power and also The Sunshine. Once oh once will noticeably with one voice this silver-gaining for not possessing a haircut expire?
Over to the Everyday Mail for more…
Manchester Joined disciple Honest Ilett has stayed to regret vowing not to incision his hair till his stormy team won five suits in a row.
Yep. Wager he’s gutted.
So gutted in fact that his in fact quite unprincipled grift has vacated us through a rash of This Kind Of Thing:
We’ve sufficient of Unitedstrand totally to bold this one as well.
pic.twitter.com/5pcvdwB4nq
— OG♉️ (@Og2Tone41) February 10, 2026
We have never ached Manchester Joined to win this poorly in yesteryear.
